Daddy Issues

A few weeks ago, I (Kenzie) read through the account of Abraham & Isaac in Genesis 22. Here God tests Abraham's faithfulness by asking him to sacrifice his only son as an offering. Like many others who have grown up in the church, I've heard this story time and time again. It's easy to read the story in light of its ending. God sends an angel to stop Abraham from killing his son.& instead provides a ram to sacrifice on the mountain. Hooray! We happily gloss over the details, then admire Abraham's faith and devotion to God. Not this time. I finished reading, turned to Calvin, and said "Okay, now where are the follow up chapters that talk about how Isaac never trusted his dad again, spent the rest of his life in therapy recovering from trauma, and decided this "God of Abraham" thing was not for him? Can you imagine the conversation between Abraham & Sarah when they return from their trip? "Welcome back, honey, how was your trip with your dad? Good bonding time?"

But, as with many of the details of the Bible, the reader is left to imagine. Daddy issues. That's what I imagine. Serious PTSD, trust problems, and big-time daddy issues. In fact, this story haunted me for weeks. I really struggled with why God would test Abraham like this. We praise Abraham for his faithfulness, yet I have to wonder about the task set before him. Anyone who tried to do the same today in the name of God would end up with CPS at their front door & a nice, long jail sentence.

Calvin gave me a good read on this, which gave good insights, but still didn't ease the tension I felt. As I reflected & struggled through my questions, I have come to no profound or comforting conclusion. In fact, it still makes me really uncomfortable. But as I continue to wrestle with my discomfort over this story, I've realized how comfortable I've become with the gospel. Here is this story of a father, asked to sacrifice his one and only son, and I am appalled. I'm cringing, sweating, then relieved that he doesn't have to go through with it. Yet here's another story I'm very comfortable with - a father sacrifices his one and only son, who willingly agrees to die, and no one stops it. In fact the crowds encourage it. And I'm indifferent. Hmm...sound like a familiar story line?

My intense discomfort with Abraham's story has only highlighted my silence to the Father's willingness to do the same. Abraham proved his love and devotion to the Lord. And the Lord has proved his love, devotion, and forgiveness to us in Jesus. He has spared nothing to pursue us, to show us His amazing love, yet sometimes I sit back with my own spiritual daddy issues, uncertain if I'm ready to trust Him.

May I continue to hear with fresh ears and react when I hear the absurdity of the gospel - that a Father would give his only Son to ransom us. That deserves a reaction. It's a story worth telling. It's a God worth getting to know.

Faithfulness over Efficiency

Of the many lessons I've learned in marriage, one of the most important is the need to choose one's words wisely.  For instance, one evening, having dinner with close friends, Kenzie and I were asked what the title of a book would be that chronicled our first year of marriage. My first response was "Pre-Marital Failure," which was an attempt to convey how I felt that pre-marital counseling, while helpful, did little to truly prepare Kenzie and I for the profound mysteriousness of marriage. Unfortunately, all Kenzie heard was that I thought our marriage was a failure. The moral of the story? Choose your words wisely, for they can communicate far more than you may intend.

This lesson is not only applicable in all marriages, relationships, and friendships, but I think we need to be mindful of this in the way we speak of God and the work he has beckoned us to join him in. For instance, as Christians, I think the words "effective" and "efficient" should be eradicated from our vocabulary when it comes to talking about ministry.  Eradicated?  Strong word I know, but I feel quite strongly about this.

I have no problem with people running an effective business or being mindful of more efficient ways to accomplish one's work. Effectiveness and efficiency communicate the importance of maximizing one's resources, finding the best way with a minimal amount of supplies to create the biggest net result. These words, if they could talk, might say, "We know the goal we're pursuing, but can we attain it in a better, faster, more productive way? Can we save time, energy, or money?"  Effectiveness focuses on results and the means by which those results are achieved.  And sometimes, when effectiveness is the highest priority, the means by which results are attained are uncritically accepted.  Then, it doesn't matter exactly how you do it as long as you get the most results. The ends begin to justify the means.

These words are great for a business, but horrible for the church. God is not concerned with effectiveness and efficiency, but faithfulness. God is not concerned just with the results, but with every step of the process.  Everything we do says something about who God is and what his Kingdom is like. With faithfulness, the goal is not results, but conformity to and unity with God.

I could see effectiveness and efficiency having a place within the church if the goal is the glory of God.  Effectiveness then becomes, "How can I maximize glory for God?" which is a lot more akin to faithfulness. But glory to God is a bit more intangible than, for instance, more people.  And efficiency and effectiveness tend to focus more on what we can see and measure. Eventually, over time, the ends will eclipse the means. Thus, if we removed the words altogether from our vocabulary, I think it would free us to faithfulness.

Some may think that I'm creating a false dichotomy here, which may be true. I just can't help but think about Jesus' ministry, who gave such difficult teachings that many walked away and abandoned him completely.  Effective?  Probably not. Faithful? He's the primary image of what faithfulness looks like.

Top 10 Things Christians Say that Aren't in the Bible

Anyone that's spent a decent amount of time in Christian culture can identify some "Christianese" - language that we casually toss around among believers but any outsider would be hard pressed to know what we mean. For example -"I was so blessed by that song." or "I echo that prayer." If you need a good laugh, check out this video, Shoot Christians Say.

All in good fun, we are offering our Top 10 Things Christians Say that Aren't in the Bible.

1. God took him/her home because he needed another flower in His garden.

While sweetly intended, I don't know any grieving person that would find comfort in God taking someone they loved so that He can have another sunflower. Also, why is it comforting that we become potted plants after we die? Yikes.

2. God will not give you more than you can handle.

Have you ever read the account of Abraham and Isaac? In what planet is that bearable for a parent? Mental illness? War? Tragedy?

3. God helps those who help themselves.

Actually, Republicans say that.

4. Where two or more are gathered, there He will be also...

This actually is biblical, it comes right from Matthew 18, but context is key - the passage is talking about church discipline. Check it out. We tend to use this passage to say if two or more are gathered then we can confidently know God is here with us. Don't worry, you can talk to God when you're alone, too.

5. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

The ultimate Christian sports team t-shirt verse. Again, let's look context - Paul is talking about some pretty extreme suffering conditions, namely that he can be in plenty or want and do it all through Christ who gives him strength. But if any of you find a secret strategy to running faster or jumping higher because of this verse, let us know!

6. The safest place to be is the center of God's will

I guess this one depends on how you interpret "safe"...but all of the disciples were martyred. We'll concede to C.S. Lewis' quote in Narnia for this one, "He's not safe, but he's good."

 

7. Let go, let God

In all fairness, sometimes we can get in the way of what God is doing and need to let Him be God. More often than not, however, this is quoted after something doesn't go well & we don't want to take responsibility.

8. Jesus is my boyfriend.

No, he's not. That's kinda weird.

 

9. When God closes a door, He opens a window.

Does God have a plan for us and know what's best for us? Yes. Does God enjoy making us crawl through small spaces? I doubt it.

10. Love the sinner, hate the sin.

Let us know how that conversation goes with your non-Christian friends...Instead let's just love them and let the Holy Spirit do His job in turning them toward Jesus & sanctifying them.

In His/Her Own Likeness

I love Genesis and reading of the creation of humanity.  It's beautiful to know that man and woman are created in the likeness and image of God. Though God is completely other and different from us, nonetheless we share a similarity with God.  We come from God, we find that our life flows from God, we are somehow like God, but we are not God nor can we be equated with him.  In God's creation of humanity, there is similarity and difference, continuity alongside originality. In this tension between similarity and difference, there was the opportunity that God's creation, made in his image, might choose to live contrary to that divine image.

When I reflect on God's creation of humanity, I think there is something we can learn about parenting.  Now I'm not a parent, nor am I expecting to be a parent anytime soon. But as one who works with high school students and their parents, I've had the opportunity to observe both good and bad parenting. One thing that I've noticed is the temptation for parents to fashion their children into their own image.  Just as God creates in his own likeness, parents create children in their own likeness as well. Children adopt their parents facial structure, personality quirks, mannerisms, and even the tone of voice.  I've heard many parents say how simultaneously joyful and frightening it is to see the similarities between themselves and their children. In one sense, it is inevitable that children will be made in the likeness of their parents.

The temptation is in the fashioning. I imagine that another human being that looks like you, talks like you, and acts like you can feel like the extension of one's self. When this human being fails, it feels like you've failed.  When they look bad, they make you look bad. But if you can keep them from failing, from messing up, from making the same mistakes you made, then maybe they might turn out better than you did.

And so parents begin to fashion. Urging their child to play a certain sport. Requiring practice so similar mistakes aren't made. Demanding a better performance in school saying, "'B's' just aren't good enough." High standards, lofty expectations, and a persistent drive for more. And over time, I think children will come to realize that these standards weren't for the child, but for the parent. This is one, of many, reasons why children resist their parents.

God is the one who fashions, molds, and transforms.  He invites parents into that process but in the end, its His work and His job.  Just as God made humanity different, so too children are different than their parents.  Children are not a second chance for parents, but an entirely new creation.  Parenting absolutely involves discipline, training, and instruction, but above all else, a parent's calling is to not fashion their children into their own image, but into God's image.  This is God's work.  Parent's get the sheer joy of being a part of it.

 

My Love-Hate Relationship with the Bible

Sometimes I strongly dislike reading the Bible. I know it sounds unChristian to say that, but its true.  Before you begin to question my salvation or my calling to pastoral ministry, let me explain.

I believe that the way that we have treated Scripture and approached it has created a set of false expectations of what we expect to experience when we enter into God's word. I've heard many pastors encourage the practice of reading Scripture in the morning (which I agree with) so that you begin the day correctly and see everything through God's eyes.But sometimes when this application is put forth, there seems to be an idea that you will always get something out of Scripture.  That whenever you read it, God's going to show you something new and radically change your day.  I know I've even said this before in my teachings.  The problem is that this isn't always true, nor does it always happen.  Maybe I'm doing something wrong, but sometimes I read God's word and it's really boring.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just reading and nothing more.  And when I "get nothing out of it," I'm disappointed.

Other times, (prepare yourself for broad generalization) we see Scripture as an Encyclopedia of spiritual truths and promises that will make our day better. And so we read the juggernaut passages that proclaim, "I know the plans I have for you," "Your name is written in the palm of my hand," "I can do anything through Christ who gives me strength." But we enter into our day and it's not long before we get in a fight with a close friend, find out we might not be able to pay rent, or just feel completely abandoned by God. Thus Scripture can give hope, but it can also be a reminder of how far we are from living these spiritual insights. Again, I get disappointed.

The issue in both instances above is not Scripture, but in the way we think of it and approach it.  Scripture does not exist to give you a spiritual high for the day. The Bible is not an encyclopedia to give you spiritual insights for the day.  It is not the tool to make sure that your day is better.  It does not exist to assure you that you are good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like you. The Bible is the revelation of God.  We read it, not to gather information, but to encounter and be encountered by God. So I think it makes sense that we be disappointed when Scripture doesn't make us feel good or doesn't seem to provide spiritual insights because it was never meant to do that. In God's word we get to know God.

At this point, you probably want to hear me say that when I read God's word as a means to know God and to hear him speak, then I enjoy reading the Bible. But again, when I do hear God speak, I don't often like what he says. He calls away from comfort, away from feeling good, away from the security of self and into a death that will ultimately lead to life.  But I've gotta get through that death first.  And a lot of the time, I don't like the process of death.  I'm not sure many do. Don't get me wrong. 

I was reading Matthew 13 today and over and over again, Jesus tells these picture/stories of what his kingdom looks like.  It looks like a seed that bears fruit, yielding a hundredfold. It looks like a tiny seed that grows into the biggest tree. It looks like yeast that transforms the whole loaf of bread. Wheat and weeds living together. A man selling all he has to buy a field. A merchant giving everything he owns to purchase a pearl. A net that gathers fish. And the more I read the more I realized how far from this kingdom life I am. In these parables, I heard the voice of God beckoning me to death. Come to the grave. Give me your dry bones and into them, I will breathe life.

You might be wanting me to close with an exhortation to read Scripture. I think you should.  Even though I don't always like it, I keep doing it.  I need it.  It really is life for my soul.  There have absolutely been times when God speaks his peace and comfort over me.  There are times when I come to his living stream and drink deeply of the life that he gives. But if you're only looking to feel good, the Bible's not the place for that. If you want to have your life flipped upside down, your world transformed, and your life altered, then read Scripture. You'll be speaking with God, but there's no promise that you'll like what he says.

Video Games and Violence

When I was in 5^th grade, my belief that the classroom was a safe place was shattered when two boys entered into their high school and opened fire, killing numerous people. All eyes were on Columbine, and the media sought to blame someone or something for the killings.  Violent video games soon became the guilty culprit and many argued that violence in video games increases aggression in individuals, showing this through numerous studies. The video game industry quickly responded, conducting their own tests, which produced completely opposite results. How should we interpret "science" producing diametrically opposed conclusions? How should Christians think about and engage violence in video games?

            Before I continue, I should note that I'm 90% pacifist. Thus my own personal beliefs betray my conclusions.  I also know that many students might not like what I have to say. But in entering into ministry, I have effectively given up the right or desire to be liked. I must speak what I believe is true with love and grace, regardless of how much someone may not like me because of it.  But enough of my own insecurities.

            My issue with violence in video games is that it is not a passive, but an active violence.  Let me explain. When we watch movies, television, even the news, we are confronted with graphic images of violence. This is a passive participation.  I did not choose to make the violence happen nor did I will it.  I passively observed it.  But with video games, I am actively choosing to enact simulated violence.  In some games, like Call of Duty, I am enacting violence upon other humans.  Even if they may be cartoonish, the recent trend in video games has been a pursuit of realism.  Each new militaristic video game has more like life characters than the last.  And with each pull of the trigger, we are choosing to enact violence upon another character.

            In light of what I mentioned in my last post, the more we do something, the more it becomes habit. The more one solves problems with simulated violence, the more one will begin to turn towards violence when faced with other situations, simulated or real. The more one chooses to solve imaginary issues with violence, I believe, the more likely one might be to view violence as a viable option.

            As Christians, we must be wary of our relationship with violence. In looking at Jesus, we see that he did not use violence when he inaugurated the Kingdom of God. Though there were expectations at the time of a king-like ruler in the manner of David who would conquer Rome and lead Israel to victory, Jesus allowed violence to be inflicted upon himself, not others. Jesus did not establish his Kingdom with violence; he established it with his sacrificial death. In his Kingdom, he admonished his disciples not to respond with violence when he was betrayed. He raised the standard of the law, equating hatred and anger with murder. And as his Kingdom continues, he calls all of his disciples to foster a radical, consistent, and revolutionary love that becomes automatic. When Christians continuously enact violence against virtual characters, they are forming themselves in a manner antithetical to the Kingdom of God.

            I must conclude by confessing that I don't completely follow my own beliefs.  I am a hypocrite when it comes to this.  There are times when I enjoy playing violent video games.  I try to avoid video games in which one must kill other humans.  I would prefer to kill aliens or fictional monsters, as these may one day be a real threat. I think (and I may be making justifications for myself) that killing aliens does not encourage me to inflict violence upon other people.  But other games might.  Therein lies the call to discernment for all who follow Christ.

 

Video Games and Virtue

One of the beautiful things about being a youth pastor is that playing video games with students (in the name of forming deeper connections) can be considered an aspect of my job. Since the creation of Pong, video games have steadily become a major part of our culture, especially youth. While I get to play video games with students, I also have had numerous conversations with parents about how to navigate video games in light of who God is and what he is doing in the world.  Thus, for the next few posts, I want to explore how Christians ought to engage video games.  My hope is that my following thoughts will be a beginning place for further discussion between parents and students.

            When talking about video games, I think it’s more important to explore what they do to us than what they are about. This places the conversation about video games in the realm of formation rather than information. Or to put it another way, what kind of character might video games be forming within us? While it is very true that many video games include graphic depictions of violence and gore that can brand themselves within one’s mind, I haven’t heard many conversations about how video games might be teaching people how to live. Therefore, just because a game is rated E doesn’t necessarily mean it is good to play. And on the other hand, just because a game is rated M doesn’t mean it should automatically be avoided. What does the game do to us?

            N.T. Wright, a New Testament scholar, in his book After You Believe talks about the importance of pursuing virtue within the Christian life.  He defines virtue as “the conscious performance of certain practices, namely ones that are positive, that eventually develop into automatic habits.” For him, when you repeatedly perform an action that carries meaning, over time, that action will seep into your being such that it will progressively become easier to carry it out.  For instance, the more I practice being generous with my money, the more naturally it will come, such to the point that it becomes second nature- a habit.

            Now before we too quickly throw video games out the window for propagating violence, there are games that force players to make challenging, ethical or virtuous decisions.  Games like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, or Fable, are games that force players to think through ethically challenging dilemmas. Players can choose for their character to make positive or negative choices that can have consequences within the game. Some games even have multiple endings to account for the choices made in the game.  Thus, one’s decisions are not necessarily meaningless, but are important. And the more one wrestles with tough situations and makes positive decisions within games, the more likely one might be to make those decisions in real life. Thus, video games can help someone to become more virtuous.

            But what about violent content within video games?  How are families to navigate this realm?  Stay tuned for a future post!